Remembering Jose Luis- Written by: Janel Slonkosky

There are some things that happen in our lives that forever change us and give us a completely new set of lenses in which we see the world. The birth of my son Jose Luis changed me in more ways than anyone will ever know.

When I became pregnant with him, my husband and I already had four kids, and each one was so different from the other. I remember feeling that Jose was going to be different as well. Call it mother’s intuition, but I felt that this child was going to challenge me in a new way.

In February or March before his birth, I told my husband Peter that while in prayer, I thought God was telling me that we should name him Jose Luis after the young Cristero martyr, Jose Luis Sanchez del Rio. My husband has some Mexican heritage and was very open to the idea, but we both weren’t sure.

When the priest gave an entire homily on Jose Luis Sanchez del Rio the very next Sunday, we both looked at each other and shook our heads as we knew that was the name God had chosen for him. I remember feeling excited and a little nervous as to what this child may require, knowing that the life of St. Jose Sanchez del Rio brought his mother great joy, challenges, and sorrow.

In early May at 7 months pregnant, he gave me quite a scare. I hadn’t felt him move in quite some time and felt something wasn’t right. I went to triage to have his vitals checked, and it took several nurses and a substantial amount of time to find a heartbeat, but they eventually found one.

After monitoring me for several hours, they sent me home with the rationale that due to the position of the placenta being in the front, his heartbeat and movements were hard to detect.

Fast forward two weeks to my regular scheduled appointment. Everything seemed to be good. However, since we were about to leave on a family vacation, my doctor said he would give me an ultrasound for peace of mind. Unfortunately, after administering the ultrasound, he informed me that our son had passed away.

News like this hits everyone differently. Being alone, my body and mind went into survival mode, and I began asking many practical questions as I waited for Peter to pick me up from the appointment.

We went straight to the hospital. It was Friday, May 21st. I remember thinking that I just wanted to get this whole process over with and move on as I didn’t think I could handle all of the emotions that were coming. I asked God that if it was His will, to please grant a miracle and allow them to find Jose’s heartbeat again.

The birthing process for Jose was rather long and initially overwhelming. I had four c-sections prior and was a bit intimidated by the labor, so they gave me an epidural which ended up being a wonderful thing.

Looking back, I was glad the labor took over twenty-four hours because it gave my heart time to process what was happening and time to talk to God before Jose’s arrival. It also gave Peter and I time to be together through the labor and be comforted by some family and friends as well.

There were so many emotions, but overall I felt a surprising amount of comfort and peace which I attribute to everyone’s prayers and the consolation of the Holy Spirit.

At about quarter after midnight on Sunday morning, they woke me up and told me it was time to push. Jose Luis Slonkosky, our little Joselito, was born in the first hour of May 23rd, which also happened to be Pentecost Sunday.

This in itself gave me comfort as I have had a very personal relationship with the Holy Spirit since I was a young girl, and I knew God would help me carry this cross and comfort my broken heart.

The time in the hospital with Jose was something that I will always cherish. Thinking about it still makes me cry as I can remember holding him, taking pictures, squeezing his little hand, and kissing his forehead. I am so grateful that I had this precious time with him. He had lots of dark hair and looked similar to our other kids.

When it was time for the funeral home to take him away, I didn’t think I could do it. My heart broke in two as I knew I would never see my baby again in this world, and I didn’t think I could bear it.

Coming home to a quiet house with no baby was very hard. I woke up in the middle of the night when my milk came in, and there was no baby to feed. It really was heartbreaking, and I didn’t know how I was going to function as a principal and mom when I really just wanted to curl up and die.

We took it day by day, and God, our family, and our friends helped us move forward one step at a time. There were many “God winks” in the weeks ahead that were so comforting.

The day after we came home I went walking through Minster cemetery to look at tombstone ideas while spending time with God. I decided to look for a quote to put on his tombstone.

When I Google image searched St. Jose Luis Sanchez del Rio quotes, the first one that appeared was, “Mama, do not let me lose the opportunity to gain Heaven so easily and so soon.” I burst into tears feeling so much comfort and pain simultaneously. That quote is on the top of his tombstone today.

Because I couldn’t handle being away from him, we chose a bench type of tombstone that I could sit on while visiting with him. There were many times in the first few years after his death that I would visit the graveyard, especially at night, and sit with him in the quiet.

In the Cristero War, Catholics faced brutal persecution for their faith. In the midst of persecution, the Cristeros would often cheer Viva Cristo Rey, which means Long Live Christ the King. These were the last words of St. Jose Luis Sanchez del Rio before he was executed.

Since Jose, I have strived to live my life by that motto as well.

In the summer after losing Jose, I began to feel very, very tired and “off.” I thought it was probably due to the grief of losing him, but in October of that year, we found out that I had cancer.

Jose gave me courage as we went through that battle. When we purchased a burial plot for Jose, we purchased one for Peter and I as well, so we could be buried next to him someday. I was awakened at how quickly that day could come.

However, it did not frighten me because I knew that if it was God’s will for me to go soon, I would be reunited with my little buddy, my little Joselito. He helped me be strong through chemo and the many frightening changes that were happening to my body.

Through Jose and cancer, I greatly learned how precious life is.

After cancer, the odds were not in our favor to have another baby. The chemo eliminated my cycle completely for over a year and often can cause early menopause. We were also told that it was very important to not get pregnant for two years due to several health concerns.

After two years cancer free, we took a leap of faith and decided to see what would happen. I prayed and trusted in God’s will, although I may have mentioned that we would really like another child but trusted God’s providence over our desires.

A couple of months later, I learned that I was pregnant! The first ultrasound put my due date as March 19th, which happened to be the feast day of St. Joseph.

Annunziata Jo ended up being born on March 17th. She has been an amazing gift of healing for us and brings so much joy on a daily basis.

Before having her, I would get PTSD symptoms annually during the month of May even when I wouldn’t be thinking of Jose at all. I believe this was my body’s memory and response that May was “dangerous.”

Since having Ani Jo, we have enjoyed every May, and she has really helped heal my nervous system. Peter and I are also soaking her in and cherishing this time with her as we realize how precious it is.

It is in my nature to dwell on things that really do not matter at all in the grand scheme of life. Jose helps me stay grounded in why I’m still here.

Matthew 6:20-21 greatly resonates: “Store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I will forever feel a tug on my heart toward Heaven, as that is where my treasure is.

Viva Cristo Rey!

In Loving Memory of Jose Luis Slonkosky: 5/23/2021